So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
