You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
