Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
