If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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