and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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