Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize