Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
