I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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