I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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