i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
