Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
