I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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