My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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