If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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