Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
