can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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