There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
