What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
