at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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