at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
