yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
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The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
