he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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