Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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