My nipple is on Facebook.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
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They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
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My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
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