you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
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She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
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On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize