just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
