Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
