The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
