remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
