I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
