when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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