I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
