Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
