when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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