I'm gonna have a badass scar
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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