I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
