you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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