I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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