It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
