im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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