I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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