I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
