just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
