I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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