i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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