I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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