there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We were destined to go to rehab together
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I need to calm my uterus...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
