Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
