That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just high enough for therapy.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Randomize