Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
