OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
