she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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