If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize