Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize