I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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