I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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