I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
