so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
