Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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